1. Love alone isn’t enough—transracial parenting requires ongoing, intentional effort.
2. Adoptive parents cannot assume their child’s lived experience.
3. Active learning and community engagement are essential for children to thrive.
The Reality of Transracial Parenting
When my husband and I adopted our four daughters, we welcomed them into our family with love, traditions, and shared life experiences. While our home shaped aspects of their personalities, there are two things we could never pass on: the experience of being adopted and their racial identity.
As white adoptive parents in a multiracial family, we cannot fully understand the impact of racism, microaggressions, or societal bias our children face. Love alone, though vital, is not enough. Raising children who are not your own by DNA requires intentionality, effort, and awareness of their unique lived experiences.
Why Listening and Leaning In Matters
It can be easy for adoptive parents to assume:
“They’ll be fine. They know we love them. I don’t see their race. They’re grateful.”
While this may bring comfort, it ignores the child’s perspective, especially regarding their first families and racial identity.
Adoptive parents must:
- Ask thoughtful questions and listen actively
- Revisit conversations about race and adoption at different life stages
- Connect children with role models, mentors, and communities who share their racial identity and adoption experience
- Know this is not a one-time conversation—it is a lifelong commitment to understanding and support
Quick Tips from Personal Experience
• Sit with discomfort: Acknowledge the unease when discussing race and adoption. This is where understanding grows.
• Ask, don’t assume: Children may feel or think things you cannot predict. Give space for their voice.
• Model active engagement: Share stories, resources, and experiences that reflect their identities and histories.
Adult Adoptee and Multiracial Resources
Sam Collier was adopted as an infant and met his birth family at the age of 24. He writes about the incredible story in his book called A Greater Story: My Rescue, Your Purpose, and Our Place In God’s Plan. Also check out Sam’s website where you can find his podcast and other writing.
Angela Tucker is a black woman adopted by a white family. She writes and speaks extensively about multiracial adoption. You can find her here. We especially like her conversation with four teens as they discuss being parented by people of a different race, which is found here. We especially like Angela’s blog post that highlights Susan Harris O’Connor.
Speaking of Susan Harris O’Connor, her memoir of the impact of foster care and being raised in a multiracial family is well done.
Kevin Hoffman’s book called Growing up Black in White chronicles his story of growing up as a black child in foster care and then being adopted by a white family of five.
Don’t miss Michelle Madrid Branch’s conversation with Kevin Hoffman on her podcast, Greater Than. Michelle is a former foster child, international adoptee, and adoptive parent.
Emmanuel Acho’s Series called “Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man” is exceptionally good, especially this episode when he sits down to talk with a multiracial family.
We like this short interview a lot: Transracial Adoption: A Family’s Experience and Advice to those Considering Adopting Transracially
Black, White and Us is a documentary that is extraordinarily well-done, and we highly recommend this for white foster and adoptive parents raising black children.
Be the Bridge, an organization dedicated to racial healing, equity, and reconciliation has created a multiracial adoption curriculum called Be the Bridge Transracial Adoption: Foundational Principles for Healthy Cross-Racial Parenting.
Embrace Race is a website with helpful tools and resources for talking to children about race.
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